Three Years

Three years ago I was offered a job outside the country. It was something that I had to think about. I wanted to get out of the country, I wanted a new environment. I knew then that it was a very difficult decision to make. But in a way it was also something that I had to make, something that I had to do.


One year, two, three... That was the time that I had to serve. Oh, okay I seem to be making it like a prison sentence. At first, it actually is something like that. I did not like what I was doing, I had no friends to talk to, I miss my family terribly, I missed my daughter so much.


Three years is all it takes. Close out my life here and then start anew with the one that is real. It will not be hard. That was my motto. That was the plan. I prayed for it. It was all in place. Until one day when I came back from vacation, everything seemed changed. Everything seemed different.


I had a lot to do. I had responsibilities. Now almost three years in Dubai, am I ready to go home? Am I gonna keep the promise I did to Andy and Papa? Or will I fail them altogether?  But what does failing them means? 

When a look and silence rips

I received a much awaited post last week. I thought it has been lost in the sea of posts across the Indian Ocean, pero I got it! Philpost and snail mail still works.

I was prepared to cry. Honest. I knew I would. And I did. Several times during the almost 60 minutes of 3-day birthday visit of my brother Paul to Davao.

What broke me was when Andy was asked if she loved her mom, she looked back blankly at the camera, at my brother. And then they teased her about it. Okay she's just a baby, and she doesn't understand it too (yet). I was like punched in the stomach. I cried. I cannot imagine having to ask my daughter who she loves more, me or her lola, and I am too afraid to hear her answer. Right now I know her answer.

So again, I come to the point of the importance of this stay so many miles away from my little angel.

When you get to talk to certain people and offer you something that you want so badly-- like a job that's good for your career, it breaks you more! I have so many apprehensions as well. I know when the time comes that I need to come home, like last year, I need to make another decision. The crossroad has to be crossed once more. Until then, I have two more years to complete the decision I made a year ago.