He called her

So what do you do when you have a growing kid who has not seen her father for like, forever. Except for pictures, explanations, and rare phone calls.
Andy's beginning to ask questions. At one point she asked mama, "Eh sino pala ang asawa ni Mommy?" (who's mommy's husband then?) referring to me. Well, she saw her father with his wife and kid.  Mama was quite stunned.
How do you explain single parenthood to your barely five year old daughter who's beginning to ask so many questions?
Let me put it this way, however you try to say you are up to the task of being ready to face the music when it comes, it will actually stun you once you really hear it.  Maybe it is harder when I think that I am away from her too!
I do not know how to really explain to her that her very young mind can really grasp. But I hope that the way we raise her, the way I am very open with her that she'd understand the whole situation. And that one day she'll appreciate the whole situation.
Here's Andy when I came home last February.

Three Years

Three years ago I was offered a job outside the country. It was something that I had to think about. I wanted to get out of the country, I wanted a new environment. I knew then that it was a very difficult decision to make. But in a way it was also something that I had to make, something that I had to do.


One year, two, three... That was the time that I had to serve. Oh, okay I seem to be making it like a prison sentence. At first, it actually is something like that. I did not like what I was doing, I had no friends to talk to, I miss my family terribly, I missed my daughter so much.


Three years is all it takes. Close out my life here and then start anew with the one that is real. It will not be hard. That was my motto. That was the plan. I prayed for it. It was all in place. Until one day when I came back from vacation, everything seemed changed. Everything seemed different.


I had a lot to do. I had responsibilities. Now almost three years in Dubai, am I ready to go home? Am I gonna keep the promise I did to Andy and Papa? Or will I fail them altogether?  But what does failing them means? 

Dalangin ng Isang ina

Tuwing iniisip ko na malapit na ang Oktubre
Mas lalo ako nasasabik.
Mas tumitindi ang kaba
Pero sa kabila nun
Alam ko na pagbalik ko
Andyan ka na naghihintay sa akin
Buong puso
Bukas ang mga kamay
At sasalubungin mo ako
ng matatamis mong mga ngiti.

Ang takot na nasa dibdib ko
Di ko mapaliwanag.
Pero alam ko higit sa anu pa man
Kapag nagdesisyon akong
Bumalik at makasama ka
Isang malaking hakbang yun
Para sa ating dalawa.

Hayaan mo anak
Alam kong di magiging madali
Pero alam ko rin na
Di tayo magsisisi sa huli.

Mahal na mahal kita.
Alam mong gagawin ko ang lahat
Para makita kang masaya at maayos.

Andy Time: Testing the water

[Andy time]


A: Mommy, uuwi ka na ba pag natapos ang school ko?
M: Ang tagal pa nun! It will take many many years before you finish your schooling! (Mommy testing the waters)
A: Hmmm... Bakit?
M: Maybe you can come and visit mommy here.
A: No.


Toink!

Long Time and then some

It's been such a long time since I have written here.
I promised myself to update this site and yet, what, promises are made to be broken, eh?
Today, I will try to update this site more often... It's Andy and my site and very soon Andy might want to write here as well.. wouldn't that be cool?
She's in school now. She's in Nursery. Her school's name is St. Mary's Initial Learning Experience (SMILE).
She seems to enjoy it. And then she got a bit bored--- she wouldn't even complete her seatwork. Result, she only gets 50% done. I had to chide her to do good if she wants me to come home. Great bribe huh?
Anyway, it's Friday here. And every Friday I get to send her off to school. Today, she's sick though. So she had to go to her pediatrician. Well, I just have to stop worrying about her too much. I have to let it go. She'll be fine.

I miss you

It's been a week since I have last seen you. I miss you so much. You know how much I do. I really long for the day that we'll be together and I will be your mommy who'll be there whenever.  I don't regret leaving you. I needed it, we needed it. I think I will be a better mother that I had experienced how it is to be away from you...