Two Hundred-- Crossroad again?!

When I started this blog I knew it would be something about me and my former boyfriend.  I was then expecting, about 12 or 13 weeks on the way, I was hopeful of so many things.  I tried to be positive inspite of the odds that I knew were against me and our history.  I hoped.

I was excited.  I blogged about the travels I did that year, the anticipation of waiting for him to come back, and of course, the excitement of the coming baby.  It was a fun year, the first.  

But in 2008, the dreaded news came.  I was surprised, or was I? Or was I just waiting for it to happen? Well, it did.  And in a way it was a closure that I was waiting for.  Of course, it would not really close, there is my little girl caught in between. 

In 2008 it was different.  I was in a new challenge.  I would be a single parent, not that I wasn't when I got Andy but truly.  There was no dream and hope of getting back together. Or the wish of a happy ever after for us.  I was alone.  I'd have to raise Andy by myself.  

And then it turned on a different avenue altogether.  I got accepted to a job abroad.  Never did I imagine I'd be working outside the country.  I was quite happy where I was at and there was the baby.  The challenge that the opportunity opened to me made me think, what would happen if I go out there and try?  I am not gonna lose anything.  Well, save for the next 3 years in Andy's life, which by the way is really important.  But I thought this is something that will be for Andy anyway. 

The stay here, more than one and a half year already has been an eye opener.  It made me appreciate what I have and what I don't.  It made me realize that not everything can be bought by money.  Oh, that was said before, right?  But you just had to experience it to learn it.

It made me stronger.  It made me realize how much I want to come back home. Yes, you read it right.  I am still in a crossroad now.  Should I stay for the whole duration of the contract, or should I ask to be sent home?  Surely I would not want to resign from this company to get another job in this country. Seriously. 

The contemplation now is when.

This is my 200th post.  I was thinking of what ti write at the beginning of the day.  Now, I am back at thinking of what I should do.

When a look and silence rips

I received a much awaited post last week. I thought it has been lost in the sea of posts across the Indian Ocean, pero I got it! Philpost and snail mail still works.

I was prepared to cry. Honest. I knew I would. And I did. Several times during the almost 60 minutes of 3-day birthday visit of my brother Paul to Davao.

What broke me was when Andy was asked if she loved her mom, she looked back blankly at the camera, at my brother. And then they teased her about it. Okay she's just a baby, and she doesn't understand it too (yet). I was like punched in the stomach. I cried. I cannot imagine having to ask my daughter who she loves more, me or her lola, and I am too afraid to hear her answer. Right now I know her answer.

So again, I come to the point of the importance of this stay so many miles away from my little angel.

When you get to talk to certain people and offer you something that you want so badly-- like a job that's good for your career, it breaks you more! I have so many apprehensions as well. I know when the time comes that I need to come home, like last year, I need to make another decision. The crossroad has to be crossed once more. Until then, I have two more years to complete the decision I made a year ago.

Flashback, Fastforward

2007.

I was almost ready to give birth. Everything was almost in order. The management meeting that I was preparing for and facilitating was done and over. I was ready.
Today last year I was excited, I was nervous. I was hopeful. That with Andie's arrival she'd bring us closer... her father and I. (But how was I mistaken!)

Fast Forward. 2008.

I am excited to celebrate Andie's birthday. I have somehow taken a back seat at some of the things that I have been doing at work, thank God! But I am still excited on a lot of things happening at my workplace.

I just finished buying some of Andie's party needs. I need to settle the guest list, or have I settled it? I borrowed another kiddie pool, but I am still gonna measure the area where I'm setting it up. So there.

I am single now. Am happy. I think I am beginning to move on. I hate the guy for everything that he has done, God bless him... he needs it because of the things he did to me and andie. He'll reap whatever is due him. I know. So good luck.

Me? Happy. Blessed. Counting every blessing. So glad I decided to keep Andie. So happy to have finally realized how better a woman I am alone, hurt (ing).

Section X

We had a blast tonight. We met for coffee at Kangaroo Coffee Company (ok, plugging!) for Ping's despedida. He's leaving for Dubai this week and we're not seeing him in a long time, so we better get together. :D

Present tonight are Pat, Ping (of course!), Bubs, Ton, Rocky, Nor, Juliet, Lloyd and his wife, Espi.

We had to talk common language. After asking Ping if he's really really going to UAE, the "going down the memory lane" began.

And did we go back to 1998-1999! Juliet has this amazing memory of recalling things. Honest she has! Imagine, even classmates whom we only had a few months of interaction she was able to talk about them and their unforgettable memories-- IN DETAILS! Our bellies ached because of non-stop laughing and talking. They guys, except ping who was in the middle of the girls had to ask, ok what the heck are they talking about now.

They say high school days are the most memorable days of your life, I'd say I have to count section X days. diba yet?

Midday OB-Gyn Visit

I remember this time of the year last year. I was so very very pregnant with my little girl and I was one of the many expectant mothers in line waiting to be seen by my Ob-Gyn. Today, as I sit in waiting at the lounge of Quirino Doctor's clinic I cannot help but smile to see everyone bustling about the room.

When I got there Dr Darleen was already in and was already seeing patients. I was maybe the 5th person to be seen or was it the 6th? I don't know but really I remember the feeling last year.

Anyway today was a long overdue visit to my Doc. She was pleasant, as always. Asked relevant questions, but this time I had to ask MY own questions. She was prepared to rebut! lol! At least even if I was 700 pesos poorer today I feel more confident that I have asked what needed to be asked.

Again, Wait for all the result in a day or two.

Coffee... what's good about it!

Coffee lovers may be raising their cups at the growing stream of positive news about their favorite drink. For healthy adults, having two or three cups of joe daily generally isn’t harmful and it may have health perks. Some recent findings even suggest that coffee may help lower the risk of diseases like diabetes and heart disease.

A cup of coffee contains about 1 gram of soluble fiber, the type that can help lower cholesterol, according to a recent report in the Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry.

Recent Harvard studies, involving more than 193,000 people, found that regular coffee drinkers had a significantly lower risk of type 2 diabetes than those who abstained. The more they drank, the lower their risk.

Despite coffee’s reputation for being bad for the heart, recent epidemiologic studies haven’t found a connection; some even suggest coffee can be protective. A study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition reported that healthy people 65 and over who drank four or more cups of caffeinated beverages daily (primarily coffee) had a 53 percent lower risk of heart disease than non-coffee-drinkers.

Coffee has more antioxidants per serving than blueberries do, making it the top source of antioxidants in our diets. Antioxidants help quell inflammation, which might explain coffee’s effect in inflammation-related diseases like diabetes and heart disease.

Magnesium found in coffee might help make cells more sensitive to insulin (increased insulin sensitivity results in healthier blood glucose levels).

Caffeine seems to have its own beneficial effects; the diabetes studies found that those who drank regular coffee had lower risks of the disease than decaf drinkers.

Caffeinated-coffee drinking has also been linked with reduced risk of Parkinson’s disease, gallstones, cirrhosis and liver cancer.

Bottom Line:

For most people who enjoy coffee, there’s no reason to cut back; there may even be health benefits. However, for some, exceeding one’s caffeine tolerance—which varies—can cause irritability, headache and insomnia. The temporary rise in heart rate and blood pressure could cause problems for people with heart disease, and new moms should be aware that caffeine passes into breast milk.

http://food.yahoo.com/articles/eatingwell/20858/filtering-the-facts-7-fresh-perks-from-coffee

Letting God...

I have fought many times for my love. But I guess dadating ka rin sa point na tama na. Suko na. Nagpapakatanga na. Matagal na akong tanga sa kanya... Honest. Ang daming kaibigan ko ang gusto akong sabunutan... Eh sa mahal ko yung tao eh... Wala kayong magagawa.

Heto galing sa isang kaibigan. Salamat!

After A While

After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security,

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts.
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With the grace of God, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight
And after a while you learn

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure ...
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and learn ...
And with every goodbye, you learn.


By Veronica A. Shoffstall

http://www.angelrays.com/Cards/star/after/awhile.html

All you need is Faith

Last year was a test. I took it poorly.

Talked to my hon a few minutes ago. I admit, it was fun to be talking to him even for a few minutes... (men, i spent all my prepaid credits!)

Then I called him using my budget card. Thank God for this invention. I can speak to him for a mere 3/minute. Calling other cellular phones within the country is more expensive.

Anyway, back to my topic. I really have to keep the faith on him. on us. ;)

woohoo! masayang bagong taon!

btw, did i tell you that my andie is about to have her 1st tooth? cool new year eh?
Have a blessed and faith-full 2008 everyone!

The Year that was

2007 is about to end and I cannot help but think of what happened to me whole year round.

It was an eventful year to say the least... Well, that may an understatement.

January started on a sad/ emotional note. On the 1st day, my boyfriend of 6 years (6th anniv was on jan 2) finally went to manila - en route to Canada. They are migrating there. Finally. It was a very long wait for him. In my mind, I should be happy. But I wasn't. How can you be when you really wouldn't know when you'll see each other again.

Mid Januay I had... I cannot even describe it, shock? maybe not shock, surprise perhaps. I found out I was 12-13 weeks pregnant. The thing I/we were trying to deny a month ago is really happening. The news came 4 days before his flight abroad. I wouldn't stop him... I'll do this myself. I willed myself to do it.

I faced all questions thrown at me. Told my parents, told my boss and told my staff. Those are the necessary people who I thought needed to know. They had a lot of questions, I remained firm. I am raising my baby whatever will happen to me and his/her dad (I didn't know the baby's gender yet).

On early April my grandfather, the only grandparent I had left passed away after a linger illness. It was relief for me to say the least. He has rested.

My brother moved out (But I did first on Nov 2006). He moved to Cebu to work. He has to. He needed to. And it made me proud of him. He has grown into such a wonderful young man that I thought he is. He just needed a little push.

Before April ended a good friend passed away. Too young, too beautiful to die. I, again thought how fleeting life is.

July 27, 2007, my day of reckoning. I gave birth to a very beautiful baby. My life, my precious. That day on everything changed. I was not only responsible of myself but of another human being. I never thought I would go through it, but I did. I endured the pain and felt overwhelming joy. Just looking at my baby makes me cry.

5 months has passed since I gave birth, Andrea Felice is now beginning to learn how to eat. Sometimes she'd utter different sounds, a practice perhaps of how she'd talk in the near future, or cry and look at me, as if willing me to pick her up. She's the joy that I was looking for. She's a piece of me... of Dominique.

Until now I am still

Eventful? Nah! I guess not... A lot of other people I guess has better story than mine.

Active once again

I haven't been writing lately. Blame it on PLDT's hell of a dsl connection. grrr!

will try my utmost to revive my blog... (if there are people reading this! hehehe)

Active Labor

Sorry for the delay...

Here's the 4th part of the whole labor story... :)

My water already leaked and I am not allowed to stand up... can you imagine... here goes the almost 4 hour ordeal. click here!