I will

Today is the beginning of my second year.  I have finished 1 leg of this 3-leg course.  I am to complete a 3-yr contract.  I am done with one.

Today I am going to be stronger.  I decide to become better than the past year.

I am better when I work wounded.  I know.  I have done this before.

Wounded not of some freakish accident.

But wounded still because of the hurt of being to far away from my precious angel.

I want to be better for me.

I want to be better for her.

I know that I can do it.

I know that I am going to do it.

I will be happy.

I will myself to be.

Fever

Photo Credits: Here


Everytime I get a text message from home via my roaming number, it's always, I am excited because someone has remembered me. Or, I am nervous because it might be bad news from home.

Being a mom-away-from-home really is difficult task. Technology has, they say, made things easier. I am just a text/phone call/ ym/ email away from them.

I made sure that they have a working PC at home before I left.

Today while exchanging texts with my mama, I was waiting for her to text me that she bought me that shoes that I wanted her to send me here (yeah, I am still for the shoes back home). She sent me message saying, Andy may be sick. They went to the beach yesterday, and I think she either got too much sun or too much water. haaay! She has colds. It may lead to cough.

I panicked. Sent mama some money to buy medicine. I hope Andy will get well pretty soon. :(

Mommy got something for the baby!

I promised Andy that I will get her something. So nung napadpad ako minsan sa Burjuman while waiting for Kuya Butch to attend our Iftar Party, oi, mukhang kaya naman pala ng extra ko pang dirhamo ang mumunting pasalubong para sa aking munting iha.

Tamang tama, pauwi si Hope sa susunod na lingo, pwedeng bitbitin ang aking pasalubong. yey! hmmm...

Off si mommy to Burjuman mall. Kaya lang naalala niya na may Max store on the opposite street, so unahin na lang kaya yun. Baka mas mura at mas maganda ang mga naka display. :)

Di ako nagsisi. Paikot ikot si mommy sa loob ng Max. Hanggang maispatan niya ito:

Ngayon, ano kaya ang ipapares?! hmmm. Mukhang maganda tingnan ang blouse na cutie.

Hala, hanap na muli si mommy ng best buy syempre. Ako pa!

Ito ang nakita.
At ito pa!



Malamang kailangan din niya ng sapatos... dun na lang sa Davao, makakapili pa siya! hahaha!

Syempre, knowing na siya'y isang girlaloo, padadalhan ko rin ng tali sa buhok!

Excited akong makita ang reaction ng bulinggit sa padala ni mommy. :D Abangan!

Counting

I am sure you already know that I am your mommy.
You just do not comprehend yet
As I am so far away from you.

When I hear your voice cry out loud for me
Saying Mommy mommy!
I wonder if indeed that will still be your reaction
when the time comes that I can come home for vacation.


For I remember when I went home for a few weeks
And you came to fetch me from the airport
I was s glad to finally see and hold you
But my knees grew weak when you stepped back
the moment I was infront of you.

I wish to God I can always be there for you
But things are not that simple
as I want it to always be.

Time will only tell
What might be when you grow up.
Knowing that I have missed some years
in pursuit of our greater good.

Picture Perfect Sunday!

Renovations under way

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Kanina lang

She has grown. Nag usap kami kanina. Parang kailan lang na iniisip ko pano kaya pag lumaki na siya? Pano kaya siya magsasalita? Ano kaya ang mga sasabihin niya?

In less than two years nagsimula na siyang magsalita. Ngayong 25 months na siya, naku, matatas na. Kanina ang sabi niya:

Send Cat Mommy...

Buy books Andy Mommy. Bilhan ko daw siya ng libro. Nasira na kasi niya yung mga picture books niya. Promise yun, bibili kami pagbalik ko sa Davao, yung tipong siya mismo ang pipili.

Buy 'yardigans Mommy- Aba, hindi naintindihan ni mommy yun. Yun pala, Nanonood siya ng Backyardigans. Isang palabas na puno ng aral. Binigyan kasi siya ng GF ng kapatid ko, nasira na daw eh. Kaya dapat bumili na ng bago.

Namention ko rin na I saw some things na gusto niya, nung binanggit ko, ang sagot sa akin: Yehey yehey! (Naku nakakaintindi na yata ang anak ko ng terms na pasalubong, bili, pabili).

Haaay. Nakakatuwang ewan na ang bulinggit ko!

When a look and silence rips

I received a much awaited post last week. I thought it has been lost in the sea of posts across the Indian Ocean, pero I got it! Philpost and snail mail still works.

I was prepared to cry. Honest. I knew I would. And I did. Several times during the almost 60 minutes of 3-day birthday visit of my brother Paul to Davao.

What broke me was when Andy was asked if she loved her mom, she looked back blankly at the camera, at my brother. And then they teased her about it. Okay she's just a baby, and she doesn't understand it too (yet). I was like punched in the stomach. I cried. I cannot imagine having to ask my daughter who she loves more, me or her lola, and I am too afraid to hear her answer. Right now I know her answer.

So again, I come to the point of the importance of this stay so many miles away from my little angel.

When you get to talk to certain people and offer you something that you want so badly-- like a job that's good for your career, it breaks you more! I have so many apprehensions as well. I know when the time comes that I need to come home, like last year, I need to make another decision. The crossroad has to be crossed once more. Until then, I have two more years to complete the decision I made a year ago.